The short answer? Not necessarily.
If you love someone who uses substances, chances are you have been told that they need to hit “rock bottom” before they will be willing to make any changes. You have probably been told to just cut them off and let them hit that bottom. And chances are, this advice, at least in part has not sat well with you. If you love someone who uses substances, you likely still want to maintain a connection with them while also still hoping they will get help. You also likely feel powerless in your ability to influence them.
The reality is, there are multiple conflicting truths here. You cannot force your loved one to accept help, they do not necessarily have to hit “rock bottom” to move towards change and you do not have to just sit back and do nothing.
You have the ability to be a powerful source of support while also honoring your own needs and boundaries.
In fact, decades of research show that families can play a pivotal role in motivating change, without resorting to ultimatums or waiting for a crisis. One of the most well-supported approaches is called Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT). Studies consistently find that when loved ones learn CRAFT skills, like using positive communication, reinforcing healthy behavior, and taking care of themselves, the person using substances is about twice as likely to enter treatment compared to families using traditional “detachment” methods such as Al-Anon–style support (Meyers et al., 2002; Archer et al., 2020). CRAFT also helps family members themselves feel less anxious, less depressed, and more hopeful.
The core idea behind CRAFT is that connection, compassion, and consistency often motivate change more effectively than confrontation or waiting for “rock bottom.” You can maintain boundaries, protect your well-being, and still create opportunities that invite your loved one toward recovery.
Does supporting my loved one mean I am enabling them?
Chances are, if you love someone who uses substances, you’ve been told that providing support of any kind is “enabling.” You may have found yourself feeling confused and uncertain about when and how to help. Unfortunately, the word enabling has been overused and misused, often leaving families feeling judged or ashamed for simply caring.
The truth is, if you love someone who uses substances, it makes sense that you want to help them. That’s human. And yes, some kinds of help can unintentionally make it easier for your loved one to continue using. For example, giving them money after they’ve spent their paycheck on substances or repeatedly covering the costs of fines or rent may remove the natural consequences that can motivate change.
But not all help is enabling. Support can look like listening without judgment, setting clear boundaries, offering rides to treatment or support meetings, or simply expressing care and hope. These actions communicate love and connection, two things that are proven to support recovery.
So rather than asking, “Am I enabling?” a more helpful question might be, “Does what I’m doing move my loved one closer to recovery,or further away?” With compassion, boundaries, and information, it’s possible to be supportive and to encourage change.